Common Myths For Friends

Society’s lack of understanding about the dynamics of domestic violence often is the greatest obstacle a domestic violence victim faces. Many friends and family believe:

“I shouldn’t get involved in a private family matter.” Domestic violence is not just a family problem. It is a crime with serious repercussions for your friend, her children and the entire community.

“The violence can’t really be that serious.” It is rarely a one-time occurrence, and usually escalates in frequency and severity over time.

“If it’s so bad, why doesn’t she just leave?” For most of us, the decision to end a relationship is not an easy one.

• A battered victim’s emotional ties to their partner may still be strong, supporting their hope that the violence will end.
• If they have been financially dependent on their partner, they will likely face severe economic hardship especially if they leave with children.
• She may not know about available resources.
• Perhaps the social and justice systems have been unresponsive to them in the past.
• Religious, cultural or family pressures may make her believe it’s her duty to keep the marriage together at all costs.
• When she has tried to leave in the past, her partner may have used violence.
• “Doesn’t she care about what’s happening to her children?” Your friend is probably doing her best to protect her children from the violence. She may feel that the abuse is only directed at her, and does not yet realize its effects on the children.
• “If they wanted my help, they would ask for it.” Your friend may not yet feel comfortable confiding in others, feeling that you will not understand her situation. Try talking to her about the problem of battering in a general way.